See Me Page 7

  She shook her head and returned to Mags and Ronnie. Mags was cleaning his hands and checking out the split knuckles, softly clucking her tongue at him. “What did you do?”

  “I snapped, Mags. I just totally lost it. I hated myself, hated the secrets I kept from Jax, my feelings, everything. I have done everything for him since Winnie died, been there for everything, and today it was just all too much, and I hated myself for it. I went to the garage to release some tension, and I pictured my own face on that punching bag, and I lost it. I kept punching, like I was beating myself, until I just collapsed,” Ronnie said in shame.

  Winnie jolted as if being tased as she heard this. Anger and desperation radiated out of her. She saw both Ronnie and Mags flinch and look around, before she got emotions under control. For a moment she wanted to go full poltergeist and just scare them all straight. Ronnie should have never been pushed to feel this way.

  Winnie knew she didn’t have time to go slow and ease Airy into this anymore, things were so out of control. She tuned out Mags as she started to plot out a course in her mind and was distracted by large movement on the bed and glanced over as Ronnie was taking his shirt off. If possible, she would have left puddles of drool on the floor.

  He had more ink work done. From his shoulder down around a pec, trailing around his belly button to below the waistband of his pants. Black and red wavy lines twisted and intertwined around each other in a hypnotizing pattern that rippled when he moved. She wished she could trail her fingers down it.

  “Well, why not?” she said aloud, “No one can hear me or see me.” So, she moved over next to the bed as Ronnie wadded up his shirt and threw it through her to the laundry basket across the room. She even noticed Mags eyeballing him appreciatively. Humming, she leaned over and followed every inch of that beautiful ink down to his pants, not for the first time wishing she could remove them.

  She watched as goose-pimples broke out across his skin and he tried to suppress a shiver. Winnie giggled as Ronnie’s face flushed, and his nipples got hard. She watched as Mags cleaned the blood off him, wishing it was her hands on him. Damn, she needed to leave the room.

  As she turned to go, Mags said, “What happened after that? It’s a pretty big mess out there.” Winnie paused as she wanted to hear his version of this as well.

  “Jax came out into the garage and found me on the floor. Not exactly sure why he lost his shit like he did, it was kinda crazy really. I got angry and walked away. It was like a Mentos dropped in a Diet Coke, you know? Shit just started fizzing up to the top and I exploded. He followed me in, saw me grab his whiskey and got even angrier. It wasn’t him, I know that at least. Something had control of him, and I shoved him hard when he knocked the bottle out of my hand, I think the wall broke. Anyway, whatever was in him took over and he punched me.”

  “Oh Ronnie,” Mags sighed, sitting back on her heels.

  “That’s not all Mags,” he said. “I spewed off some shit about being done and said I was leaving. I started walking back here, and I’m pretty sure he was back to himself then, but he followed me again and I lost it. I told him how sick of taking care of him I was, things along those lines, and something about him never taking the time to ask any of the rest of us how we were. Then I said I loved Winnie. It’s all a blur. I punched a hole in the wall I think.”

  Winnie has heard enough. She was afraid of her reactions if she hung around longer. She went to the kitchen and saw Aedan patching up Jax’s hands and Smitty cleaning. She took a moment to look hard at Jax, looking for signs of what was happening to him. She felt the darkness in him. It scared her. She saw it scared all of them. She didn’t have very much sympathy for Jax now, but like Ronnie, she knew it wasn’t all him. She watched him walk out when Aedan was done, and she took in the damage that had been done. Without thinking, she let her love for these guys loose and gave them both hugs, then left. Back to Airy.

  I decided to go to bed early, hoping for more sleep, as I gave the cats their bedtime treats, I smelled rain. I didn’t see Winnie anywhere, and I glanced outside noticing that a storm was brewing. Could be a coincidence. I shrugged my shoulders and put the cat treats away when I saw both my cats cock theirs heads sideways and stare behind me.

  “Winnie?” I said to the empty room. The cats turning their ‘what is this weird human doing now’ look on me.

  “Sorry, I’m here, just trying to collect my thoughts. I can’t appear, I’ve used way too much energy,” she said apologetically.

  “It’s okay,” I replied. “It’s only the cats here, and I’m pretty sure they already think I’m crazy, so me talking to nothing shouldn’t surprise them. Everything okay?”

  “No, not at all. So, I’m sorry in advance for pushing you. But we gotta move fast on this now. Things have escalated so much. So, if you want, I can give you the highlights of me, things you’ll need to know and what we need to do if you’d like?” She asked gently but with an urgency in her tone that set me on edge.

  “Highlights?” I hedged. “Not details?”

  “Well we are short on time for the major story of my little makeshift family, plus, it’s also their story and they should tell you themselves,” she explained.

  “Okay,” I said drawing the word out. “Do you think they will?”

  “Yep, I do. But my highlights will at least arm you with enough to make an educated guess about most of it. But I need to know you as well. We are essentially working together to save lives here and I need to know all I can because really, at the base level of this, you are walking into a train wreck and I can’t help you if I don’t know triggers, and what not.”

  “So, you want me to let you have free range privileges in the dirty pastures of my brain?” I said, my spine stiffening.

  “Yeah, I’m sorry Airy. I really am. I won’t use anything against you, I won’t even bring it up unless I think it’s relevant to what is on hand.” She chuckled somewhat darkly, “Anyway if it all goes well, I’ll be moving on, so I won’t be here as a reminder that I know things you don’t want me to know.”

  “That’s a fucked-up way of looking at it,” I snapped at her. “But fine. You’ll do it when I’m asleep?”

  “Sorry, yes I will. You won’t even notice,” she said.

  “Oh, I’ll notice,” I mumbled. I walked away heading upstairs, wanting to be at least comfortable for her story.

  Smitty walked down the hallway after cleaning up the mess Jax made, something close to anger boiling under his skin. Ronnie’s door was shut, and Aedan was finishing patching up the hole in the wall. He nodded his head toward Jax’s room and Aedan gave him a brief nod as a go ahead.

  Smitty didn’t knock, just opened the door and walked in. Jax looked like he had taken a shower, his hair wet and he sat shirtless on the edge of his bed with his head ducked down like he had fallen asleep, medical gloves taped around both hands to keep water out. He shut the door behind him and leaned against the wall.

  “You’ve gotta find a way to fix this,” Smitty warned. “We can’t keep rescuing you, it won’t work out in the end.”

  “I know,” Jax replied, his voice rough. “I get that I’ve been just about the shittiest friend I could have been. To all of you.”

  “Look dude, people grieve in their own way and in their own time. We all know that. It just seems like you haven’t even tried to move on. You just diverted attention away from the problem and now it’s so big it seems insurmountable. I understand. Twelve years is a long time to hold on to that grief. You crossed a big line tonight and I’ve got to be straight with you, I have no idea if Ronnie will even want to try and fix this.”

  Jax gripped the blankets so tight in his hands that blood started seeping through the gauze making it look like the gloves were filling with blood. He didn’t even seem aware of. “Something has a hold of me,” Jax admitted.

  Smitty let out a bark of laughter, “No shit! So, what are you going to do about it? It appears to us like you are just rolling over and letting it ha
ppen.”

  Jax stiffened, “Fuck you, you don’t know what this is like.”

  Smitty pushed off the wall and stalked over to Jax, getting right up in his face. “I don’t know, huh? Because I haven’t been here the past twelve years watching it? I haven’t been on the receiving end of the abuse you dole out in the name of grief? I haven’t been driven mad with nightmares over the shit you’ve put us through? I haven’t suffered sleepless nights wondering if one of my best friends was going to let whatever this is kill him? What have I missed? I don’t live here like Ronnie does, that’s true, so I’m not here twenty-four seven. I’m not related by blood like Aedan is, so I can’t claim you are family like he can. But I have never turned my back on you or what you need. I’ve let you drive long enough. You fucking find a way to fix this, or you stand to lose a lot. This must stop. You’ve become the biggest narcissistic asshole I’ve ever met!”

  Jax wilted in front of him. “I’m starting to see that.”

  “Tough love time, bro. Nothing else is working. I better start to see an effort out of you or I’m gonna walk. Watching a friend self-destruct isn’t high on my list and it gets old. Twelve years of this Jax. I don’t know what Ronnie said, and I don’t need to know. But I know if he blew up like this, you pushed way too far.”

  “I did. I own that. It’s just...it feels like I black out, but I’m still aware of my reactions. Like I’m watching a movie. Seeing him lying there, blood all over, triggered something. Memories, something, I don’t know. The smell of the blood hit me hard and it was over. Like I craved it. I felt powerless,” Jax struggled to explain, his voice cracking and breaking.

  “Here’s my suggestion. The producers sent a job listing to the agency today for our team and listed the qualifications they wanted. Whoever they hire, if they find that empath, let them help. I don’t think an exorcism will help you. Your belief in God has twisted into something ugly. Do more meditation too, man, I’m sick of the selfish streak,” Smitty retorted.

  “I can’t do this alone,” Jax begged.

  “You might not have a choice if something doesn’t change really quick,” Smitty warned, turning around. Jax nodded even though Smitty couldn’t see him.

  “Tell Aedan no hospital tonight please. He can take me in the morning,” Jax called after Smitty’s retreating back.

  Chapter Eight

  Hey! Where are you going?” Winnie called out to Airy.

  “To take a shower, you aren’t invited,” Airy called down the stairs.

  Smiling Winnie followed Airy to her room, “Okay, I won’t join you in the bathroom,” she chuckled. “Do you mind if I pop over to that spot in the river for a moment? I am ninety percent sure I can get there. I need to recharge for this, but only a little since I don’t need to appear.”

  “Of course, I don’t mind. Are you sure you can get there, or do you want me to drive there for you?” Airy asked.

  “Let me check,” Winnie said, and she pictured the spot that she met Airy, and imagined herself there. When she opened her eyes, she was there, but the energy didn’t feel right. With a flash of understanding she blinked out of there and back to Airy’s bedroom.

  “Well I can get there, but your spot is now tainted,” Winnie told her glumly.

  “Tainted? How?” Airy asked, her face crinkled up in confusion.

  “I think when you pulled from me and released it, it might have stuck to the area,” she told Airy. “It is just a guess, but the energy didn’t feel right.”

  “Well shit, that’s not good. I wonder if I can pull it from the earth and release it somewhere else?” Airy mused as she started her routine.

  “No, you’ll have a chance to figure that out later, for now take your shower. I am going to pop back over there and wander around looking to see if it feels like that everywhere or just there. I’ll probably be back before you are done,” Winnie said distractedly, and then popped out.

  She went back to the river and opened herself up fully with her eyes closed and focused her attention on the feel of the energy. She learned that trick from watching Airy and feeling her out while she did it. Winnie felt a slight tug pulling here and she let it guide her to a different area. She opened her eyes and looked around, not worried about other people, just to see where she was.

  She could feel Airy’s energy signature here, so it must be one of the spots she used. She sat on the ground like Airy does sometimes and let the earth energy fill her up again. It felt amazing to have this pure energy sink into her being, she almost felt alive again. Not wanting the feeling to end she just sat there for a bit and soaked it up like she was trying to get an energy tan. Giggling, she started to feel a little drunk.

  “Time to go,” she said giggling again. It was a heady feeling and as she stood up a raccoon appeared. Wondering if it was the same one from when Airy met her here. “Hey little buddy, do you remember me?” Winnie made herself appear and the raccoon approached her with no fear. “It is you!” she sighed.

  She reached her senses out and felt the taint of the darkness that Airy pulled from her and she winced. “This isn’t good now is it?” she told the raccoon. “I’ll have her come back tomorrow and take it from you. I don’t imagine that feels very good.” The raccoon looked at Winnie and nodded his head and walked away. “Huh,” she said, “interesting.”

  As she stood up to leave, she started putting a few things together in her mind, it seemed like Airy was a grounding force for her, she felt drunk coming here on her own, but with Airy, it was just soothing. She knew Airy was an angel, it just felt right to her. She smiled, and still feeling drunk she popped back over to Airy.

  As she popped over, before appearing she focused and sharing her scent as a warning and waited until Airy said, “Hi Winnie.”

  She appeared so Airy could see her. “A couple of things first, you might want to get dressed again sorry, I know you just showered. But first, I need you to send a text to one of the guys, you don’t have to say who you are, just please text this message: A message from Winnie, can’t meet tomorrow, something has come up. Will be in contact.”

  Airy was giving her a crazy look. “You know that this person will then have my phone number?”

  “Yes,” Winnie sighed, “but he’s one of the good guys. Ready? I’ll tell you the number.”

  As Airy sent the text, Winnie thought about how to word the energy tainting part. Based off what she knew about Airy, it wouldn’t go over well that the raccoon was suffering. It didn’t sit well with Winnie either. She looked up and saw Airy watching her expectantly. “Oh sorry, Airy. Get dressed, I’ll meet you downstairs,” she said distractedly. She heard Airy’s phone beep. “Don’t answer him. He can wait.”

  Winnie went downstairs and tried to work it out before Airy got there. If she was an angel, she was one of the touched, so it meant she had more abilities than she was using, and she didn’t know it. What would a work around solution be to rid an area of evil? Religion was the obvious answer, but she didn’t think the raccoon, or the earth followed any particular denomination. Actually, she didn’t even know if Airy did. But maybe hallowed grounds would work. It wasn’t earth energy there, it was spirit energy though.

  If Airy released tainted energy in an area where spirits rested, would it make those spirits evil? Winnie shuddered, that wouldn’t do. A church itself was hallowed ground though, wasn’t it? Not just a cemetery. If she released the energy into a holy place, she didn’t think it would spread. She hoped it wouldn’t.

  Airy came back downstairs and started to put her shoes on as she asked Winnie, “So where are we going?”

  Winnie thought for a moment, “Is there a Catholic church around here that is still open? And first we are going back to the river.”

  Surprised at Winnie’s answer, Airy silently grabbed her iPad and searched for a church. Sending the address to her phone, she grabbed her coat and the flashlight and nodded to Winnie to follow her.

  Jax didn’t think it was possible for him to fee
l any worse than he had before Smitty walked in, but he was sadly mistaken. Nothing that was told to him came as a shock, it was just hard to hear. Smitty basically said the same things Ronnie did, and that Aedan alluded to. He had to admit to himself that he’s always been a bit selfish, that was part of the reason Winnie balanced him so well.

  He needed to talk things out with Ronnie if he would give him a chance. Jax knew it would be a messy and painful talk, but it was a necessary one. He pulled off the gloves he had on and unwrapped his hands, they were still bleeding. He rinsed them off and pulled out fresh gauze and a roll of paper tape and started to wrap them back up and then covering the gauze with the tape to seal them up. Infection is the last thing he needed.

  His hands properly mummified, he grabbed a pillow and a few blankets off his bed and went and laid in front of Ronnie’s closed bedroom door. Jax didn’t want him to leave without him knowing it, and it struck him that that was a selfish thought as well, but at least he had good intentions behind it. That’s what he told himself anyway.

  He was as quiet as he could be as he tried to find the most comfortable way to lay with his body feeling battered, not to mention his shredded ego and heart. Sleep would come he knew; he was just praying to whatever God would listen to him that he would have a night without the nightmares.

  Aedan, do you honestly think that Jax will be okay?” Mags asked her husband.

  “I don’t know, my love,” he answered truthfully. “I want to answer yes, but from what I saw today and heard from him, he’s at the point of no return. Even if he comes back from this, I don’t think it will be the same Jax we knew.”